Sometimes I wish I had beautiful long blonde hair and ample cleavage.

I'm an "ugly" girl, and you took the words right out of my mouth!!
Ashame, the guys who've passed me by, for the pretty girls, because most of them now, (18 years after high school) are very heavy, and look...well, like me!
But, they did have their time of glory, which is something I've never had, and never will.
....or does the fact that I have a great husband, and two healthy, wonderful kids subsitute for MY time of glory?
I think it DOES.
I thank my lucky stars everyday for what I've got, and I know from seeing the ex-pretty girls around town, that most of the time, it's WAY WAY better than what they got.
Of course, my Daughter is well on her way to pretty...hmmm...do I need to get out the ugly stick to use on her, to give her a chance at true happiness? LOL!!!

Anyway, yes. I've never understood why people fall for good looking people, as if their "sh*t don't stink"!!!
What does it get them? For guys, it costs them a LOT of drink money for the girl who says thanks, and walks away...AND her ugly friends! It costs them lots and lots of heartbreak, too. Just ask my Husband, or every guy who's ever been dumped by my best friend. It costs men lots of embarassment and rejection from trying to get the supermodel in the room, when the "real" women are sitting there, just wishing someone would give them a second look, and could see INSIDE them, and realize that they are the "keepers" who will take care of them forever.
(ok, so many men are just looking to "use" the supermodel anyway...I'll give them that!)
I always wonder if the guys have a sudden feeling of "gullible" after giving a pretty girl special treatment. I hope so!

I have NEVER been let off of a traffic ticket. I've tried crying, I've tried being very nice and cooperative. I've tried joking. I've tried being UNcooperative!! I've even used some real medical situations, and the cops didn't care. I could have been sitting there with a baby half out of me...I'd still have to wait to get my ticket.

I'd never even have the guts to bother asking for a free add-on to a purchase, or a discount. I already know the answer to that!

Yes, I've always been the one who stupidly, accidentally became best friends with the pretty girls. The ones the guys did flips for. I guess they used me as their "ugly friend". You know, the person you hang with, that makes you look even that much BETTER!!
That was me, I guess.
I'd stand around in the background and wait and watch with envy, as my friend would be in the center of 5 or 6 guys, who ALL wanted HER. No one even noticed me back there, waiting.
And I always started out talking and joking, just like her, till suddenly I realized I was talking to myself.

But now, she has a crappy life. And I have a great one.
I guess suffering was what I had to pay to get what I have now.
And I guess it's the opposite way for the pretty people. They get the great stuff first, then they pay later!?
I think I got it the best way.

Like the song says, "if you want to be happy for the rest of your life....get an ugly girl to marry you"!!!!

Beauty is impossible to resist. We are genetically engineered to be attracted to beautiful people, male or female, sexually or otherwise. I don't think that people are consciously making an effort to give the "pretty" person the edge, they just do it because that's the way their mind works.

Can we please move beyond the ideal woman being a simpering, helpless LOSER? And the concept that "beautiful"= blonde, skinny and a rack of doom?

I usually expect better here.

Society treats attractive people, men and women, better than the less-attractive. I've noticed personally that (despite my pretty-average looks) the reaction I get changes a lot based on how well I'm dressed, whether I've bothered to shave, and where I am on my fitness roller coaster. On a broader scale, higher incomes have been correlated with attractive features like height (for men), "ideal" weight, and even outright attractiveness.

It isn't fair, but it is the reality we're faced with. So we need to make use of that knowledge to our benefit. It's too late for us to change our choice in parents, so a certain part of the attractiveness is out of our hands. We do control how we dress, groom ourselves, and, to some extent, our level of fitness (yes, I struggle with this one).

I have had a long standing rule that usually pisses people off until they fully understand the concept. Attractive people get better service than ugly people.

This is where many people start ramping up their anger machine about how shallow I am because I would dare to be honest about giving more attention and service to attractive people, but the truth is the truth.

1. I enjoy looking at beautiful things, or people, or places. I don't enjoy looking at anything that is ugly.
2. Attractive people have a confidence of self that less attractive people simply lack.
3. Good looking people usually put a little more effort into their appearance. If they are willing to do this for my benefit (if they are coming to see me), the least I can do in return is to reward their effort.
4. For the "average" looking people out there, you look average because that is all the effort you are willing to put in. Consequently, you get only "average" attention and service. Ugly people get little attention and less service.

Now the kicker. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Attractiveness is not. Because many beautiful people are also attractive does not mean ALL beautiful people are.

I am overweight (obese), and I smoke, but I find women who are attentive when I go to stores or other places where I want attention with no problem. The reason: I'm confident in my own skin and I take care of my appearance to the extent that I look my best when I go out in public. Women have told my wife many times how lucky SHE is to have a great, handsome husband, even though she is WAY hotter than I should reasonably expect to marry.

For the cops, they have a job where almost everybody they see is pissed off at them for doing their job. A little innocent "flirting" just serves to remind them that they are still normal people. It is a little positive reinforcement in a job of many negative meetings.

And for those who whine about the objectification of people, get a clue: We objectify ourselves every day. When we get dressed in the morning, unless we have to for work, we don't wear plain jumpsuits. We dress so that people who look at us will like what they see. Women wear scoop-neck sweaters, tight clothes, short skirts, low-cut tops, and padded bras so that people will look at them. Men do the same (although admittedly, fewer wear the padded bras) to attract attention. It is part of human interaction.

You don't treat them as objects? Please.

You call them "girls" at the office. (Do they ever call you a "boy"?) "Part-time playboy model"? "Sassy"? These are not terms you would use to describe women if you wanted to be respectful.

As a reader of your blog, I expected better. I have to agree with Lisa H. Women are pressured by an entire cultural machine to equate their worth as a person with their appearance. For you to trivialize that ("But what about meeee???") is abhorrent.

If you wanted to look at this from a purely financial perspective, you would have to include the cost of all those cosmetics, high heels, hair products and latest fashions when evaluating that 10% discount. And the incalcuable toll of having to live in a society where half the members judge your value based on your sex appeal.

As a woman who also has a DDD rack like Hayden, I can tell you a few things. One, sometimes I don't even realise something has happened, that maybe I'm only getting better service because my shirt fits tighter. Two, people usually do try to talk to me like I'm stupid. (I also have blonde hair) And for a third, It sucks. I was told, TWICE, by different male bosses that I was only hired for my looks. Wow that is a real ego boost there.....

Perhaps the opposite of "guys" is "dolls"?! Of course I'm sure people would take even more offense at that and you'd have the added disadvantage of people belting out "Luck be a Lady".
I really don't see why people are taking offense at this article, it's all based on observations. There are lots of anthropological and sociological studies that have shown that "attractive" people are treated differently. As a cursory google scholar search will demonstrate.
As for getting out of tickets the only person I know who has been successful is a lovely middle aged, overweight friend of my mother, who was stopped for driving the wrong way down a one way street. She blamed the menopause and began describing her hot flushes in detail and was hurriedly told to just not do it again.

My boyfriend was able to get away with a lot with his Irish accent (his good looks probably didn't hurt much either). He had the women at the bank swooning (despite the fact that they were 50+) and they were always to eager to help him, ask how he was doing, etc. I, on the other hand, didn't quite get the red carpet rolled out for me and despite the fact he's been back in Ireland for five months now, they still ask about him.

I think good looks (and sometimes a foreign accent) can help you get a little more service, mostly because people enjoy spending time with you. I've noticed on my trips abroad, I get paid a lot more attention when I open my mouth, because it's something rather new and exciting, and if you're nice to look at, well, people enjoy that.

I've found that even if you're of average looks, you can get a lot further with people if you just are polite and perhaps even a little flirty, it flatters whoever you're trying to get service from and makes them more inclined to go out of their way for you. If you're rotten on the inside and out, people can't wait to get away from you fast enough.

I definitely benefit from my looks. I'm thin and delicate looking, and people assume that I'm sweet and harmless. I'm sure that's very handy in airports these days. And I know it helped me when I was a kid because I was very quiet. Often quiet people are assumed to be stuck-up or even psychotic. I was just shy. And and assumption of sweetness was much more pleasant than an assumption of haughtiness would have been.

Here's another weird reaction I get: I cut my hair once and people stopped referring to me as the one with the long hair and started referring to me as the one who's so skinny they want to kill me. What? My hair is long again.

People do sometimes assume I'm weaker or dumber than I am, but I kind of enjoy exceeding people's expectations (much more than not being able to meet them), so it works out for me.

I know someone who's bald and a little scary looking, and he uses that to his advantage. For example, at theatres, if someone's kicking the back of his seat, he says all he has to do is turn around and raise one eyebrow and the kicking stops for the entire duration of the movie.

And to the person who thinks someone with a DDD chest "chooses" to wear tight shirts, let me just inform you that it's not easy to find shirts that aren't tight when you are shaped like that. Women have very stupid clothing sizes. (Men can get dress shirts with different neck/chest ratios and pants with different waist/inseam ratios from the same company, but that is almost unheard of for women.)

Yes, attractive women do sometimes get preferential treatment, but from what I've experienced they are not taken seriously in matters that require a brain (regardless of how intelligent they really are.) This is not the case with attractive men, at least not as far as I've noticed. This is just an observation, please do not read any bitterness into that statement. This is just how I've seen it.

Weight plays a role too. I was much heavier at one point and even though I still had a "pretty face" I felt pretty much ignored. I was never approached by sales associates, I was overlooked at work, etc. Then I lost 60+ lbs and was shocked when I realized why people were paying more attention to me all the sudden.

We have come a long way in this country, but we aren't there yet.

I have to come clean too. I wouldn't say I'm a babe, but I'm not plain either. I am, however, disabled, and I do sometimes play on that. I don't think the world/life/people etc owe me anything, but being disabled adds a lot of expenses that able-bodied people don't incur and I have to think smart in order to make ends meet.

I never emphasise or exaggerate my disability but the wheelchair is really obvious and if smiling extra hard, laughing at bad jokes and fluttering my eyelashes gets me favors, discounts or freebies/extras, I'll do it. I get what I want and they get to feel good about themselves.

Amen, Healthy Amelia! It drives me nuts when people latch onto some mention of gender, race, whatever, even if there was NO prejudicial content in the comment, and start screaming bloody murder. Don't read things that aren't there and then start blaming the author for it!

I do take exception to Coming Clean's response to Angela, however. She was clearly saying that she unintentionally gets better service due to coincidentally wearing a tight shirt (which, as has been pointed out, is likely due to the difficulty for large-chested ladies of finding well-fitting shirts off the rack--no pun intended). She is not oblivious about it. How could she comment on something she was oblivious to?? Her point was that it's not (always, or for all people) intentional. I do agree with his general point about attractiveness being linked to confidence as much as to actual physical beauty, but his treatment of Angela makes him come off like a complete douche. And THAT is unattractive.

What's the Pepsi Challenge?

i was a bartender for the whole length of my twenties, i am now 37 and retired. i never, ever, ever, ever bought a woman a drink because of their looks. ever, period. i could never stoop to that banal of a level. it is degrading to me to imagine myself doing that (that would mean the woman wins based on her looks, not skills). i worked in the "a" clubs in my city, i am alright to look at, i know bar patrons. and women who expected a free drink from me never received one. i did, however, give away THOUSANDS of drinks to people, male and female, who were great customers. that was my only qualifier for special service. good looking girls who get freebies are losers...if you accept a freebie because of your appearance, you just given your gender another step in the wrong direction.

When I was younger... I was a little bit of a hottie (and I am not blond, BTW... I was a petite Asian gal with a decent rack). During my late teens and early 20s, I occasionally flirted and wore tighter clothing in an effort to get what I wanted (whether it was a free drink or a discount). Sometimes I got these things without even flirting... just as a reaction from people (men).

Once I hit my mid-20s, I settled down. I started dressing more appropriately, I gained a little weight, I married my Hubby and stopped wanting free drinks. These days, a plain t-shirt and jeans are my typical outfit, and I rarely wear cosmetics of any kind. As a result, I almost never get the extra discount or freebie... in fact, often I feel almost invisible in retail stores.

Do I miss the extra special attention? Yes, sometimes, but not enough to start dressing like I'm a teenager. Do I think less of myself for the way I acted as a youth? No, not really. It was part of my younger days, and I enjoyed it at the time. Do I think less of women who do it now? Nope. I actually do believe that women get the short end of the stick in a lot of ways... our society is still relatively sexist. A smart woman utilizes ALL of her resources to even the playing field.

And, ultimately, it's the men who are acting the most foolish in most of these scenarios.

As a final note: Hubby and I have both noticed that in certain stores--like appliance and furniture stores--we get better treatment from salesclerks based entirely on the way we're dressed. If we go in wearing jeans and t-shirts, we're pretty much ignored. But if he's wearing his work clothes--shirt, tie, dress pants--we're practically buried in sales people. Clearly they're making some type of judgment based on our appearance, and I think it's based primarily on HIS outfit, not mine.

I didn't get to read this whole thread, so maybe this issue has been addressed. Sorry, it's a long thread.

I was reading some of the posts about the controversey of using the terms 'guys and girls' and figured I could offer some perspective by sharing the way I've caught myself using the term 'girl'. Believe me, I mean it as no disrespect. Rather it's the opposite.

You can't think of these terms under the dictionary definitions 'boy' 'girl' 'man' 'woman' 'guy' 'gal'. More important, I think, in determining the way the user feels about the person they are referring to is the baggage attached to the term. In other words, the way the user 'feels' about the term they are using.

When I talk about someone using the term 'girl' It's how I refer to a female that I put on my own level. I don't often use the term woman because emotionally that strikes me as if I'm referring to her in sexual terms. Perhaps not true for all cases, but I've noticed that's how using the term 'woman' tends to make me feel.

I may also use the term 'woman' in a strictly informational way, but rarely to talk about someone I'm familiar with. For someone older I may use the term 'lady'.

I've noticed some women use the term 'guy' the same way I use the term 'girl'. if they use the term 'man' they are often referring to him in a sexual way. Sure the terms 'guy' and 'girl' are not exact gender opposites according to the dictionary. But psychologically they are. Guys don't use the term 'gal' because it's outdated.

All that said, I don't think this article is sexist. It's pointing out some social behaviors relating to attractiveness. This can relate to attractiveness in men & women alike.

Do I think it's right or wrong that attractive people sometimes get preferrential treatment? I honestly don't know. It's the deepest part of human nature and that's hard to argue with. People do it without even realizing.

I have noticed that when someone takes advantage of this preferrential treatment their whole life, they're not as well adapted to life when their looks go downhill, as inevitably they do. So I wonder if I should feel sorry for them.

I enjoyed this column, Paul. I think how you dress and your demeanor can make an incredible difference in how you're treated in most places. People for the most part dress so sloppy and are half-naked, way too much cleavage on the "ladies" exposed for all and loudmouthed, stumbling around in their thongs, at least that's mostly what I see everywhere, even in some churches I've been in. As an old lady (53) and on the conservative side, I NEVER have a problem getting respect when I ask for help. It cracks me up. I now look like the church lady/school teacher types I used to see out there when I was a teen and made fun of. I LOVE it because it makes me so different. I wear conservative dresses, I'm covered, nothing flashy. I'm calm and quiet and treat others well. I made up my mind years ago I wanted respect from people and by God, I get it.

There is no question that how you look drastically impacts how you are treated by others. During my younger years I was always described by others as being exceptionally handsome and good looking and I bore a strong resemblance to a very famous Hollywood actor, which no doubt accounted for the favorable way most people interacted with me.

It was not lost on me that my looks worked to my advantage in most situations, (especially in job interviews), and when I would wear a suit and tie the level of courtesy and deference with which I was treated invariably increased. It may not be fair, but this is simply how human beings seem to react to other human beings who are physically attractive.

As the years went by and I entered middle age I gained quite a bit of weight and rarely dressed up in business suits and fashionable leisure wear anymore. Over time, I noticed that strangers were not as accomodating and nice towards me as was once the case.

Since I still have all my hair and hardly any hints of gray, and since I have otherwise aged well with few wrinkles, etc., I must conclude that one of the fastest ways to go from "handsome" to "ugly" in American society is to put on 100 pounds of fat. Yep - that'll do it!

A few years ago I got serious about my diet and exercise regimen and lost 75 pounds. It was amazing how quickly the "old charisma" returned as I once more found myself being treated very attentively by good looking young ladies, sales clerks, co-workers on the job, etc. Five years later, though, when the weight came back, I was back in "nowhere land" - getting ignored and treated badly again in many situations.

The bottom line is this: If you get really fat in this country people will react very negatively to you because getting fat is perhaps the greatest social "sin" in American society. This is a real hoot given the fact that about 3/4's of all Americans are overweight or obese. Perhaps what we are seeing is a projection of self-loathing on the part of the 3/4's who are fat and fear of becoming fat on the part of the other 1/4 who are still thin?

I suppose you can't blame people for that. It's just human nature and I agree that we are biologically programmed to reject that which is ugly and to be attracted to that which is beautiful. We all do it from the time we are infants - so it just seems to be hard-wired in us - no doubt for the improvement of the species as we evolve.

So, if you've got good looks - enjoy them while they last - because everyone eventually ends up ugly if you live long enough! Such is life!