Apple introduces most outrageous “rewards” program in history

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I love Apple as a brand. It makes great products, it has tremendous loyalty, but could I go as far as to tattoo the famous Apple logo on my body to get a lifetime discount? Well, that’s the latest, greatest scheme from Steve Jobs and Co. And people are lining up in droves to do it. (This was an April Fool's gag readers. Now that the day has passed, it's only fair to warn you. Enjoy)

Always a leader, Apple has redefined “branding” and introduced a scheme based on raging successes in student test markets. The brave students were given a minimum of $500 to sit in the tattooists chair for 1 hour while the artist inked the permanent Apple into their skin. More money was given for a more prominent tattoo (the complete list is printed later in the article).

After the tattoo healed, students could use this tattoo at any time to receive a 25% discount in any Apple store, which was obviously a much bigger draw than the initial cash payment. Denver University student Sheila Blige has been delighted with the savings, the tattoo and the attention: “People tell me all the time, that’s a cool tattoo!” Sheila was paid $5000, the top amount, for having the infamous Apple logo branded on her forehead.

“It really hurt, but I’m saving 25% every time I shop at Apple and I don’t exactly have to struggle to find my rewards card!” she joked. A company called leaseyourbody.com had already experimented with 30-day tattoos, but Apple knew that their brand loyalty was unbeatable. Tim Burr, press secretary for Apple, had this to say: “Who wouldn’t want the coolest logo in the world on their body? We’re paying for it, you look cool and you get a discount! We’re just waiting for Microsoft to follow suit, although to be honest I can see people ‘crashing’ in the tattooists chair when they get that one,” joked Burr. “We foresee a day when thousands of people are walking around proudly displaying the Apple logo.”

Another condition of this program tests loyalty to the limit. Once you have an Apple tattoo, you can have no other brands stamped on your body. A small price to pay for the discount being given. The rising scale for an Apple tattoo is as follows:

$500 – Arm, leg, feet, torso (below t-shirt/short line)

$1000 – Arm, leg – always visible

$1500 – Hands

$2000 – Neck

$2500 – Head, unshaved

$3000 – Head, shaved

$5000 – Forehead or face

The 25% discount applies to all tattoos. If you’re interested in getting your very own Apple loyalty tattoo, your local store will soon be setting up a tattoo chair in the window. Not only is it a great branding exercise, Apple is also using the idea to bring more people into their retail stores. It’s expected that other notable brands like Nike, Target, Coke and others wll soon follow suit.

As for online purchases, the Apple tattoo cannot be used yet. However, a scanning pad is being developed by Apple that will attach to any computer and will cost just $99. Using the same technology as a fingerprint lock, it will recognize the tattoo and apply the discount. For more information on the Apple Tattoo Program, click here .

Microsoft has been unavailable for comment.